Interestingly, I was cleaning out my desk yesterday and ran across this one, it might not be the one you're looking for but here you go!
The following letter of resignation accurately sets out the minimum requirements of an average claims adjuster:
It is with regret that I have to come to the conclusion that is is necessary for me to write this letter of resignation, but things being as they are, I feel that as a claims adjuster I am a failure and will never have the qualifications needed to fulfill this unenviable, thankless and melancholy job.
To be an adjuster, one must 'be courteous, diplomatic, shrewd, persuasive, an expert jollier, of an equable temper, slow to anger, a Sherlock Holmes, up-to date, good looking (with honest eyes and a glad hand), a good memory, good cigars, acute business judgment, and the embodiment of virtue but with a good working knowledge of sin and evil in all its forms.
An adjuster must understand insurance, electricity, chemistry, mechanics, physics, bookkeeping, banking, merchandising, selling, shipping, contracting law, medicine, real estate, horse trading and human nature.
He must be a mind-reader, a hypnotist, an athlete, and above all, an expert photographer. He must be acquainted with machinery of all types and materials of all kinds and he must know the current price of everything from a shoestring to a skyscraper. He must know all, see all, and tell nothing and be everywhere at the same time.
He must satisfy the claims manager, the claims examiners, the home office claims department, the underwriting department, the general agent, the local agent, the solicitor, the insured, the claimant and the State Insurance Department.
Having heard of only one man with the above qualifications and finding that He was crucified over 1,900 years ago and though we, in our daily personal life try to emulate him, I now feel that it is impossible for me to ever reach that state of perfection so, without further ado and for the benefit of all, I herewith relinquish all rights, claims and titles, past, present and future as a claims adjuster.