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JimF
USA
1014 Posts |
 Posted - 12/25/2002 : 18:16:48
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Linda, perhaps you could teach a class at the upcoming CADO Convention on "Roof Survival Techniques."
Great as well as hilarious story. Thanks for sharing it. Glad you made it down alive and in one piece! |
Edited by - JimF on 12/25/2002 18:18:44 |
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CCarr
Canada
1200 Posts |
Posted - 12/25/2002 : 23:09:59
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Linda, any story like the one you told, that starts and ends told in the 'first person'; is a good story.
Any story that rips at and stirs a full plate of emotions - fear, humility, and love of others - is a good story.
I once froze on a roof, firmly believing I was walking on marbles. But it was fear that froze me on that hot August day, and the heat of the black shingles that burnt the memory into my hands.
I tried to explain the emotions as each took its place in your story, to a group of 'gregarious grievous gretchens' of youth; before they went home. I think what sunk in was the true meaning of Christmas, and that Santa Claus didn't have to walk on roofs to bring comfort and joy to others. |
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JimF
USA
1014 Posts |
Posted - 12/26/2002 : 07:06:54
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THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS
It's a week after Christmas,
I'm crabby and I'm broke.
I'm so full of ham and fruitcake,
I think I'm gonna croak!
It's nice to see the relatives.
I wonder when they'll leave?
They've been camping in my bathroom
since early Christmas Eve.
They're eating everything in sight
and sleeping in my bed.
I been sacked out in the basement
with my old beagle Fred.
The relatives have all gone out
and left their screaming brats.
The toilet bowl is all plugged up
and I can't find the cat!
It's Christmastime at my house,
the relatives are all here.
They eat me out of house and home
and drink up all my beer.
I love the decorations
and the sleigh bells in the snow,
But I wish those pesky relatives
would take their kids and go!
Those cookie crunchers fed the dog
a twenty pound rib roast.
His feet are sticking in the air
like skinny old fence posts.
Now they're in a free-for-all
the girls against the boys.
They're fighting over boxes
'cause they're bored with all their toys.
My mother-in-law is snoring
in my favorite TV chair.
Those kids are stringing lights on her
and tinseling her blue hair.
I oughta wake her up
before the fireworks begin,
But I wanna see those blue sparks fly
when they plug her in!
I love the decorations
and the sleigh bells in the snow,
But I wish those pesky relatives
would take their kids and go!
Ain't it so?
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CCarr
Canada
1200 Posts |
Posted - 12/26/2002 : 10:20:23
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Oh, it is so!
When they bring their kids in tow
I've 'been there'
And I get like a bear
When they bring their kids in tow
I feel like leaving them in the snow
Who teaches these kids, the manners they show?
They belong face first, out in the snow
The adults aren't much better, they drank all my rye
They wonder why they cann't see the stars in the sky
My turkey is reduced to a carcass
My brother-inlaw is an ass
Thank God it's Boxing Day
They have all gone away |
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JimF
USA
1014 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2003 : 20:05:46
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PERFECT
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect
courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course,
perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their
perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of
the road in distress.
Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with
a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of
Christmas.
The perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they
were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple
and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?
(Scroll down for the answer. )
Answer:
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the
first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such
thing as a perfect man.
**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been
driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
**** Men Keep scrolling
By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen.
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MRichardson1952
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2003 : 02:19:45
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Happy Christmas, maybe Jim Flynt can say it more simple next year.
I hope everyone has a good year and close loving connection with thier friends and family.. |
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jlombardo
USA
212 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2003 : 07:50:02
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>Subject: THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
>
>'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HE LIVED ALL ALONE, IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.
>I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
>AND TO SEE JUST WHO, IN THIS HOME, DID LIVE.
>
>I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
> NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE.
>NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
>ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.
>
>WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
>A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH IN MY MIND
>FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
> I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.
>
>THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE,
>CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.
>THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
>NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.
>
>WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
>CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED?
>I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
> OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.
>
>SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
>AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.
>THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
> BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THIS ONE LYING HERE.
>
>I COULDN'T HELP WONDERING HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
>ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE, IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.
>THE VERY THOUGHT HAD BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
>I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY.
>
>THE SOLDIER AWOKE AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
> "SANTA, DON'T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE...
>I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
>MY LIFE IS GOD'S, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS."
>
>THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
> I COULDN'T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP.
>I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL
>AND WE BOTH SHIVERED THAT NIGHT, FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.
>
>I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
>THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT.
>THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
>WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA, IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."
>
>ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
>"MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT"
>
>----------------------------------
>
>This poem was written by a Marine stationed in Okinawa, Japan.
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Holiday Greetings
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