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Johnd
USA
110 Posts |
 Posted - 04/21/2004 : 22:39:33
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This joke was told at the last Possum Lodge Meeting. Thought you all would enjoy….
A Canadian is having his breakfast (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Canadian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
American: "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"
Canadian (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: (after blowing a huge bubble)"We don't. In America, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Canada." The American has a smirk on his face.
The Canadian listens in silence.
The American persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
Canadian: "Of Course."
American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In America we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Canada."
The Canadian then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Canadian: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Canadian: "We don't. In Canada, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America."
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Johnd
USA
110 Posts |
Posted - 04/21/2004 : 23:07:34
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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do," replies the man. "how did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's useless."
The man below says, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help; and you're in the same position as you were before we met, but now it's my fault!"
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John Durham
sui cuique fingunt fortunam |
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gloverb
USA
54 Posts |
Posted - 04/22/2004 : 02:58:06
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A man goes to the doctor; rash all over his body, fever, just not very good at all. The doctor runs a lot of tests & finally comes back in "Sorry but you are in much worse condition than expected! We will have to isolate you for the next 6 months on the top floor & put you on a very strict diet of pancakes & pizza."
The man replies "Pancakes & pizza? So, after 6 months of this diet, then I will be well, right?"
"Oh, no!" said the doctor, "You are terminal. That's just the only kind of food we can slide under the door!" |
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gloverb
USA
54 Posts |
Posted - 04/22/2004 : 03:01:44
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| Can anyone tell me when "Red Green" is on. Occasionally I get it on Suday nights at 10:00 on one of the PBS stations. |
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Johnd
USA
110 Posts |
Posted - 04/22/2004 : 11:01:00
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| Gloverb: In Canada, we get it on Star Choice (Sat Dish) every night. In Arizona, we get it on Sunday & Wednesday PM on PBS. |
John Durham
sui cuique fingunt fortunam |
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olderthendirt
USA
370 Posts |
Posted - 04/22/2004 : 11:30:13
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>>
>>Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home. "Sixty is the
worst
>>age to be," said the 60-year-old." You always feel like you have to
pee.
>>And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
>>
>>Ah, that's nothing'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy,you
>>don't have a bowel movement anymore.You take laxatives, eat bran, you
>>sit on the toilet all day and nothing' co mes out!"
>>
>>"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do
>>you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old. "No, not really.
I
>>pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no
>>problem at all." "Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?
>>
>> "No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
>>
>>With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this
>>straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and poo every morning at
6:30.
>>So what's so tough about being 80?"
>>
>>"I don't wake up until 7."
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gloverb
USA
54 Posts |
Posted - 04/22/2004 : 17:31:04
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| Johnd, thanks! Maybe I can find it on a regular basis. I have 4 cases of duct tape in my garage & need ideas on what to do with it! I think Red can help. |
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gloverb
USA
54 Posts |
Posted - 04/22/2004 : 18:09:04
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An old rancher talkin' to one of his rancher friends "Well, John! 'Bout 3 months ago I bought this high dollar prize bull that just wouldn't perform. I paid a lot of money for this bull. I have almost 60 head of cattle, & this bull just wasn't takin' care of 'em like he was 'spose to!
"Well! What did you do?" said John. The rancher responded "Well! I went to the veterinarian, and he gave me a bottle of pills. He told me to give the bull 1 pill a week; so, (being a farmer - MORE IS BETTER) I gave him 2 pills every day for a whole week."
"Well! Did that work?" John responded.
"Did that work! He took care of all 60 of my cows; he broke down the fence & took care of all of the neighbor's cows, & he was working on breakin' down the fence two ranches over when we caught him!" replied the rancher.
"That's incredible!" John said, "What's in them pills that you gave your bull?"
The rancher replied "I don't know, but it has a peppermint taste!" |
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